Falling Off the Edge of the World
by willag
Summary: In an AU, Agents Tsuzuki and Kurosaki are partners in the Japanese Emperor's Special OP Force. With each assignment they creep closer and closer to the brink of insanity until finally falling off the edge and into each other. TsuSoka.
1. Track 01 Prologue

**Falling Off the Edge of the World**

A Fanfiction Soundtrack

Some words before I begin:

I'm dabbling into an area I have never seen done before - fanfiction that is only partially told by words, with the other part told through music. Music is such a powerful force to me: it helps me find emotional release (I bottle up many things inside of me and it's often hard for me to express my emotions), it gives me inspiration (where I suddenly just feel so alive and eager to share my thoughts and feelings and just DO something), it makes images ten times more vivid (rather than just picturing scenes with words, I can suddenly feel them as if I was there), and it helps me relax (it soothes the stress and worry that builds up in my body, massaging my muscles in a metaphorical sense). As such, I had always wanted to create and piece together a story developed by songs I've listened to.

And that's how the idea for this story came about. Certain songs I listened to just brought about certain imagery, and I went with that. Eventually, a plot formed and I had a fanfic to go on.

But I didn't just stop there. I wanted to write a story where only a small part of it depended upon the scenes I was writing. I wanted a story where for each chapter I typed there was going to be a specific song chosen for that chapter that completely fit in with the mood and really helped the person get drawn in. Music creates more vivid imagery and emotions than words do, so I wanted to write something where listening to the music was necessary in order to get the full impact.

So I decided to create a fanfiction soundtrack. The story itself is told partially through words and lyrics, while the other part is told through song and music. I have planned and plotted everything out, and I'm tentatively holding out for this story to be 16 tracks long. For each track, there will be a written snippet to set the scene and explain the details, and there will be a song chosen with the lyrics posted as well (if the song has lyrics) that the person will use to set him-/herself in the mood and build images from. And at that point it is all up to the reader. How I visualize the scene may be different than how you end up visualizing it.

Of course, because this story is so dependent upon music, I will upload the music and provide a download link to the song.

Eventually, when the whole soundtrack is finished, I will be designing some cover art for the cd soundtrack **_(or someone else will offer to do that for me, hopefully – hint hint, wink wink)_** and then making a little booklet that has the story inside of it and the lyrics to each track. And then I'll upload the whole cd FFST (fanfic soundtrack) for people to download. From there, you can do as you wish.

Does this sound good? I hope so! I'm excited about this project and where it's taking me. It's a challenge! I'm someone who's big on using lots of flowing words and descriptive imagery in order to set the mood of a story, and because I'm trying to include the track snippets into a little book that can be printed out and put in a cd I need to keep everything short and concise. I need to be able to set the scene and make an impact with as few words as possible before I allow the music to take over. So it's a challenge for me to keep things short. I'm enjoying the challenge however, and I think it's making me a better writer.

**WARNING #1:** This FFST will be pretty dark and depressing throughout the whole story focusing on many mature themes: suicide, homicide, human trafficking, drugs, drinking, insanity, multiple personalities. If this squicks you out, don't read!

**WARNING #2:** As dark as it may be, there will still be hints at love… homosexual love. If shounen ai implications bother you, don't read! And it's TSUSOKA shounen ai, just incase I haven't been obvious enough. You'll rarely find me dabble away from them in the YnM universe.

**SYNOPSIS:** In an AU, Agents Tsuzuki and Kurosaki are partners in the Japanese Emperor's Special OP Force; with each assignment they creep closer and closer to the brink of insanity until finally falling off the edge and into each other. NOTE: They are living, breathing human beings in this story without any shinigami powers.

**DISCLAIMER #1:** I don't own the characters. Rather, they evidently own me and a lot of my free time. I do, however, own this alternate universe.

**DISCLAIMER #2:** The RIAA says that you must delete all of these songs off your computer within twenty-four (24) hours of previewing them. Do what you may with your music, but I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. I don't mean to sound like a hypocrite when I say all of this stuff, I'm just giving fair warning and hopefully covering my behind.

------------------------

Track 01 - Prologue

------------------------

Not as many people as there should – shallow vanity and pride clouding their judgment – came to realize that the quality of life wasn't measured by success, fame, or fortune. Nor was it measured by elusive, idealistic concepts such as love, hope, or companionship – the commonly-held belief of the wiser, more mature masses. Wiser, yes, but still deluded. Only the few unlucky ones realized the true currency: sanity. The more one paid, gave up, or lost, the less quality one received. It was a backwards way of thinking, but the only reality. Idealistic rubbish kept one satisfied by hiding the truth; however, a person always fell short without the mercy of a sane mind. Sanity was the weight, the ultimate judging factor.

And what ultimately judged the quality of a job wasn't the money, prestige, fame, enjoyment, or feeling of accomplishment, but how much of the person's mentality and self-awareness was left after everything was said and done… how far down and inside-out it ended up screwing one over.

The worst kinds of jobs were the dirty, "necessary evils" required for the "betterment of society" as determined by one in high power. The HIMOP agents – Japanese Emperor's Special OP Force – were one such example.

If there was anything the Japanese excelled at, it was masking true intentions and meanings behind carefully placed words and actions in order to please others. A very community-oriented way of thought. A place and role for everyone to carry out. And all for the betterment of society.

So the idea of a strong, powerful, unified government being a façade for the truth shouldn't have been a big surprise… perhaps, it was even expected.

With each Emperor that had risen and fallen with the sun, the successor had been more modernized than the previous. And though his father, Emperor Akihito, was still the symbol of a united Japan, the Crown Prince, Haruhito, had made a big impact within the power structure of the government. Unbeknownst to many, he studied, for several years, politics, internal structure, military, and internal affairs all around the world, visiting several countries. And all it took was one trip in the 1990s before he established the HIMOP – a top-secret special taskforce sent to carry out the will of the Emperor in order to eliminate divisions in the ranks and maintain unity using whatever means necessary. A hidden base was created, updated with access to all existing and future technology and data (many trusted politicians who had lots of connections and supported Haruhito's decision – for the Emperor and his royal family would be least expected to head such an organization that they felt was necessary – had provided, and continued to provide, help).

The HIMOP agents were trained in obtaining information through covert means (i.e. espionage, communication interception, cryptanalysis) and then analyzing the data. They completed whatever missions deemed necessary: assassination, infiltration, counter-terrorism, arms sales, coups d'etats, propaganda, and many others.

The training was intense and demoralizing, and anyone who continued with the career was either masochistic, sadistic, held a severe grudge, or was blackmailed into the job. Nothing was worth the stress, the insanity, the torture, or the psychological consequences, because anybody who got involved became fucked up if they weren't previously.

In order to survive, a man either locked away his emotions and sanity and became a cold, unfeeling bastard, or he eventually broke down and snapped because he was unable to sacrifice his humanity.

This is a story of two such people who became partners and went through hellish ordeals before finally falling apart into each other.

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SONG: "Requiem (The Fifth)" – Trans-Siberian Orchestra

_instrumental piece_

Download link: http(colon)//www(dot)sendspace(dot)com/file/eyy3js

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A/N: I hope you enjoy! The next chapter will actually start getting into the meat of the story.

Um, I hope the setting is realistic. I did some research on special OP forces and what they do in the U.S. and then tried to look up info on Japanese secret service and special OP forces. I did happen to find some info for Japan, but there wasn't a lot. So, in the end, I created my own force – the HIMOP (His/Her Imperial Majesty OP) – and attempt to put some rationale behind it. I'm not great with government or politics or controversies, so I tried to do my best. Hopefully, I haven't failed miserably.

To see some of what I researched, here are a few links:

Akihito: http(colon)//en(dot)wikipedia(dot)org/wiki/Akihito  
CIA: http(colon)//en(dot)wikipedia(dot)org/wiki/Central(underscore)Intelligence(underscore)Agency  
Intelligence Agencies: http(colon)//en(dot)wikipedia(dot)org/wiki/List(underscore)of(underscore)intelligence(underscore)agencies

Anything I could improve upon? Please inform me! Thank you! Have a great day!


	2. Track 02 Eyes of Solitude

**Falling Off the Edge of the World**

A Fanfiction Soundtrack

**DISCLAIMER #1:** I don't own the characters. Rather, they evidently own me and a lot of my free time. I do, however, own this alternate universe.

**DISCLAIMER #2:** The RIAA says that you must delete all of these songs off your computer within twenty-four (24) hours of previewing them. Do what you may with your music, but I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. I don't mean to sound like a hypocrite when I say all of this stuff, I'm just giving fair warning and hopefully covering my behind.

---------------------------------

Track 02 – Eyes of Solitude

---------------------------------

"This is the new recruit, Tsuzuki."

Tsuzuki took a look at the new recruit… no, boy. The kid couldn't have even been in his thirties from the looks of it. God, what was the world coming to sending such an innocent child to an early grave? To get fucked over in the biggest hell-hole job of human depravity? And his pretty-boy appearance was just asking for trouble. What the hell was Konoe thinking?!

As if the boy could read his thoughts, his eyes narrowed imperceptibly and a chill crawled up Tsuzuki's spine.

"How old is he?" Tsuzuki asked ignoring the look.

Konoe coughed. "Not that that is of any relevance--"

"26," the boy interrupted. "And no, it is NOT of any relevance."

Tsuzuki was about to argue, but was interrupted by his commanding officer.

"Kurosaki Hisoka… passed all the training, excelling at physical hand-to-hand combat, subterfuge and interrogation. His scores outranked all of the others. He was recommended by several superiors for this position."

Recommended? Did he have family with powerful political influence? Did daddy pull a few strings?

"He will be a major contribution to the team," Konoe continued, his tone booking no room for argument.

Tsuzuki scoffed but offered no more signs of his true feelings on the matter. It wasn't his place.

"You, Tsuzuki Asato, will be teaching him the ropes. For the next few months, you two will be working closely together, Agent Tsuzuki helping Agent Kurosaki get acclimated with the job. Work on what needs improvement. Also, you will be taking on several cases together. Agent Tsuzuki, here, is our best field agent, so you should be able to gain a lot of practical experience working with him, Agent Kurosaki. I expect there to be no problems with this arrangement. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," came Tsuzuki's response, while Hisoka just replied with a, "Sir."

"Good. You two are dismissed then." Konoe walked off.

Plastering on the biggest grin he could fake, Tsuzuki turned to his new quasi partner and offered a hand. "Well, then, it appears we'll be seeing each other a lot for a while. Please just call me Tsuzuki. It's a pleasure to meet you, and I'm certain it'll be a pleasure work--"

"Don't."

"Huh?" said Tsuzuki, thrown off with the sudden interjection.

"Don't attempt to cover up the truth with lies. Neither one of us wants this, so trying to make it simpler for yourself by hiding behind a mask of camaraderie is an insult. This arrangement is for purely professional purposes and will remain that way. We'll start tomorrow. For now, I'm going home." And he abruptly turned around and left.

Tsuzuki stood frozen for several seconds after the boy left. It wasn't so much the words that paralyzed him – though they were very harsh – as it was the look in his eyes… His eyes spoke with ten times more volume. The emerald orbs would have been beautiful if not for the frigid, bitter conviction that glinted with his glare. Tsuzuki couldn't tell if he was more relieved or saddened to see such a cold disposition.

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SONG: "Silence Must Be Heard" – Enigma

_Look into the others eyes, many frustrations  
Read between the lines, no words just vibrations  
Don't ignore hidden desires  
Pay attention, you're playing with fire_

_Silence must be heard, noise should be observed  
The time has come to learn, that silence ...   
Silence must be heard  
Or diamonds will burn, friendly cards will turn  
Cause silence has the right to be heard_

_People talk too much for what they have to say  
Words without a meaning, just fading away_

_Silence must be heard, noise should be observed  
The time has come to learn, that silence ...   
Silence must be heard  
Or diamonds will burn, friendly cards will turn  
Cause silence has the right to be heard_

Download link: http(colon)//www(dot)sendspace(dot)com/file/91bpb0

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A/N: Track 02 finished!

Some may wonder why I don't use Japanese titles or formalities. Personally, it's because I don't want to screw up using the wrong ones. I also normally don't like throwing in Japanese words when I'm writing all in English. What's funny, however, is the fact that I'm still having the characters introduce themselves by last name first. Ugh, inconsistencies. It'd be so much easier if these characters actually spoke English so that I didn't feel I was doing something wrong. Oh well.

Also, the use of formalities doesn't work with Tsuzuki here. I'm trying to write him as if he has an unprofessional, informal relationship with everyone and has a certain disregard for authority. (Cheeky grin)

Please R&R! Thank you!


	3. Track 03 My Resolution

**Falling Off the Edge of the World**

A Fanfiction Soundtrack

**UPDATED 2/17/07 **– Read A/N below to see the change. Note: All give a gracious round of thanks to **thelastunicorn**!

**DISCLAIMER #1:** I don't own the characters. Rather, they evidently own me and a lot of my free time. I do, however, own this alternate universe.

**DISCLAIMER #2:** The RIAA says that you must delete all of these songs off your computer within twenty-four (24) hours of previewing them. Do what you may with your music, but I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. I don't mean to sound like a hypocrite when I say all of this stuff, I'm just giving fair warning and hopefully covering my behind.

--------------------------------

Track 03 – My Resolution

--------------------------------

Tsuzuki stared at the empty glass in his hands, contemplating the lack of drink. It had been empty for a while – after a sloppy chug that resulted in half of it rushing down his chin and dribbling on to the table and his shirt – but it took five minutes to come to this realization. As he stared at the glass, he also realized that his head was lying on his arm that was upon the bar table. Strange, it normally took more than ten glasses to be this conked out. Had he really drunk…

He snorted. It didn't really matter. Maybe if he were lucky, he'd die of alcohol poisoning. Though knowing his luck… He glared accusingly at the glass, and decided he definitely needed another. He turned to the bartender and demanded it to be refilled.

"Sir, I don't think that's a wise idea."

"Shyeah, well, I'll tells you when – hic – when… I don' think it be a good idea. An' right noow – hic – I think I need anudder."

The man appeared to hesitate a second before pouring more of the vile liquid. Tsuzuki absolutely abhorred the taste of vodka – and most other alcohols – but he drank it to get drunk, and get drunk fast. It was the perfect way to escape. And right now he needed to escape.

"God, he's 26." Tsuzuki had been 26 when he joined, or rather was forced into joining. It wasn't because he hated his new partner that he acted like a dick today. Not at all! Rather, he was scared. He was scared for the young boy and what would inevitably happen to him. He feared the upcoming fall, the slide into insanity, for both the boy and himself. He'd fall watching the kid fall.

It's a promise, a dark voice whispered.

He downed the drink, trying to find relief in the bottom of the glass.

---

The boy slipped quietly into the dark apartment. Not that there was anyone to wake up, but he didn't want to be discovered by his neighbors. The results would be most disastrous if he were found.

He stared down at the paper bag in his hands, disgusted with the content inside that was the reason he didn't get in until past midnight. He felt like such a coward for purchasing it. However, his supply was running out, and he needed more. It was his punishment whenever he failed… whenever he lived up to his father's damning expectations. He promised himself that he would prove he was strong, no matter what. And for every failure he would punish himself harshly. And he felt there was no greater punishment than when he wasn't in control of himself.

He walked into his room and hid the paper bag underneath the bed mattress. And then he walked back out into the living room to a table that was covered in a white cloth, white candles and incense surrounding the focal point – a picture of a handsome young man with a firm chin, long, pointed nose, stern, angled eyebrows, stiff upper lip, and unforgiving, icy blue eyes… they were cold enough to even make the most warped men shudder. The display looked like an altar. His lips twisted at the thought. A fucked up, bastardized one. And that was the point.

He glared at the monster in the picture. "I will overcome you and your convictions. I am not worthless. And I will prove it."

With those words, he abruptly turned and quickly strode back to his room. Once inside, he slammed the door. His posture became stiff and more confident once again as he fell back into routine and prepared himself for bed.

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SONG: "Fields of Innocence" – Evanescence

_I still remember the world from the eyes of a child.  
Slowly those feelings were clouded by what I know now.  
Where has my heart gone?  
And I'd even dream for the real world.  
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all._

I still remember the sun always warm on my back.  
Somehow it seems colder now.  
Where has my heart gone?  
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger.  
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything.

Where has my heart gone?  
And I'd even dream for the real world.  
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything.  
Oh where, where has my heart gone?  
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger.  
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything.

I still remember.

Download link: http(colon)//www(dot)sendspace(dot)com/file/7zp6f0

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A/N: Track 03 finished!

The song for this track has been changed. I wasn't completely satisfied with my choice of song in the first place for this track. And then **thelastunicorn** pm'ed me a song choice: "Fields of Innocence" by Evanescence. Well, I didn't have the song, but I immediately went looking for it and downloaded it. And I must say that I ABSOLUTELY love the song choice for this track. The lyrics and the music totally fit. THANK YOU SO MUCH **thelastunicorn**!! I truly appreciate your contribution! And, yes, you did make a lovely choice.

This reminds me, if you ever have any suggestions for songs that you think might fit better for each track, tell me about them or send them! I'd love to listen to them! And if I end up preferring them over my song choice, I just might change them (or provide an alternate choice).

Also, I'd like to point out that five characters total from the YnM universe have made an appearance. Yes, five. The fourth and fifth showed up in this chapter. Both play a major role (especially with how they affect Tsuzuki and Hisoka), but only one will actually interact with the characters. The other one will only ever be talked about... his influence has already happened. The other's has happened slightly already and will only grow stronger as the story continues. Now I know you're going to be sitting on pins and needles waiting for me to tell you who, where, and when... but you'll just have to wait for the next track! And even then I might not reveal who! I'm so evil.

Anyways, the next chapter will take longer. I haven't written it yet. The first three were already finished, and I just decided to post them and see the general response from the crowd.

Please R&R! Thank you!


	4. Track 04 Shadow of Who You Once Were

**Falling Off the Edge of the World**

A Fanfiction Soundtrack

**UPDATE 4/15/07 **– Updated song link

**UPDATE 3/4/07 **– Made some changes to the chapter. Wasn't entirely pleased with the first round of results, so altered it until it better fit what I was aiming for.

**DISCLAIMER #1:** I don't own the characters. Rather, they evidently own me and a lot of my free time. I do, however, own this alternate universe.

**DISCLAIMER #2:** The RIAA says that you must delete all of these songs off your computer within twenty-four (24) hours of previewing them. Do what you may with your music, but I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. I don't mean to sound like a hypocrite when I say all of this stuff, I'm just giving fair warning and hopefully covering my behind.

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Track 04 – Shadow of Who You Once Were

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Tsuzuki had always held humanity in such high regard, a viewpoint he recognized was very hypocritical considering the nature of his job. And for the first month they had been working together, Tsuzuki feared that his partner had none. He was a frozen icebox, keeping himself impervious to all interactions and emotions. Several workers even had him ranking up there in the "disturbing" category along with the HIMOP's Directorate of Support, who always carried an air of chilling professionalism and seriousness.

Tsuzuki had been unable to disagree with his fellow co-workers. On several occasions he had the unfortunate luck to watch his partner bring his 'source' to hysterical tears, quivering in guilt and fear during the interrogation, and all without once resorting to physical torture.

He had been thoroughly mortified of his partner for the longest time.

But all that changed on their third field mission together. They had been sent to retrieve a known homegrown bombing terrorist who was becoming a thorn in the government's side – just a week prior she had successfully detonated a small bomb within the security parameters of the National Diet Building (no one was hurt, but it served as a good warning). A temporary base was discovered, and their order was to neutralize the target and detain all weapons.

Tsuzuki was originally going to pass it up after seeing a spark of recognition in his partner's eyes when given a file on her with a picture – he didn't want personal feelings to compromise the mission – but ended up taking it on anyways, his curiosity piqued. Who could this so-called _La Dame aux Camélias_ be?

Entering the building and getting past security was almost too easy, which put them on their guard. Eventually, they reached the room that according to the information gathered housed the main operations. Attempting to stay as quiet as possible, they snuck into the dark room through the vents. They barely had a chance to situate themselves before a voice caught them off guard.

"Imagine my surprise when I briefly caught your face on a monitor. Immediately, I called my guards off; I knew you'd be coming to see me. Out of everyone, I never would have expected you to become a dog of the military…"

The chair at the front of the room behind a large desk swiveled around to reveal _La Dame aux Camélias_… Lady of the Camellias.

"…Hisoka-kun."

"Tsubaki."

A hurt look flashed across her face for a second before it was hidden beneath the mask of pleasantness again. "You never used to call me that in high school." She shook her head. "How the times have changed you."

Instead of responding, he attempted to fire his gun but was shot in the shoulder before he could aim.

"Nah ah ah. I'm calling the shots here." She held up a detonator within her hands. "This building is filled to the gills with explosives. I could easily take out the whole block."

Shit. Tsuzuki quickly calculated the options and then was about to attempt to provide a distraction but was beaten to it by his partner. "You've changed a lot as well," he hissed out through clenched teeth, the only indication he gave that he was in pain. The bullet just grazed his shoulder, but the blood was still quickly soaking his shirt at an alarming rate. Tsuzuki inwardly cringed at the sight but kept his focus on their target.

"Yeah, well, that's what happens after tragic life-changing moments."

His partner scoffed and then spoke in a condescending tone, "You are a fool."

Her eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by that?"

"You let something that didn't directly affect you rule your life. It wasn't your problem to deal with. You're a fool for making it so."

She tightly grit her teeth. "You asshole! How dare you say such unfair--"

"I do dare because they are my problems, not yours. My past, not yours. You twisted the situation around to make yourself feel better, to fix your broken ego, to lick your wounds. You justified things to turn yourself into the victim, when really you should have just let things go. You're a fool for not moving on. I did, but you refused to."

That hit the mark. "Jackass! You don't fool me for a second! 'Moved on' my ass! I can see through that façade you put on! You just handled things differently… worse than however I did! You're the one who's the fool! You should be in this position, not me! How can you just pretend it didn't matter and torture yourself further?! You work for the fuckers that screwed you over!"

Tsuzuki used the opportunity to slowly creep away from her immediate line of vision and aim his gun. He was never noticed.

"The situation destroyed you, made your personality take a 180! You became cold, cruel, and calculating, hiding yourself away from everyone… including me! Two years of a steady relationship on top of ten years of friendship extinguished in just a few days! And I had to watch on the sidelines as you pushed everyone away and closed up! I couldn't forgive them for their heartless actions… that monster's inhumane decision… our government's the true terrorist, not--"

But whatever she was going to say was lost in the gunshot. She dropped the detonator and drew her damaged hand to her chest while simultaneously reaching under the desk with her other hand and pressing the button there. As the alarms went off, she open-fired on the two agents, who both took cover, and ran out of the room. Chasing and not losing sight of the target as they weaved around the building became a challenge with immediate response (open fire) from security, but they quickly and efficiently disposed of all obstacles.

They eventually split up, Tsuzuki staying behind to take care of the rest of the people who hadn't run away and his partner continuing the chase.

Hisoka barely got out of the building in time to see her begin to climb into driver's seat of the van parked outside of one of the open garage doors. He aimed the gun at her open back, hesitated, and then open-fired. He watched – his facial expression not changing from its cold, impassive mask – as she rammed into the front seat before slumping down to the soaked ground like a limp rag doll. He calmly walked over.

The sight was gruesome: she was drenched in rain, her clothing crumpled and plastered to her body like a second skin; the hole in her chest was pouring rivulets of blood, dying her clothing red, marring her once perfect skin, and creating a spider-like web surrounding her form as if in symbolic irony; her deathly pale skin provided a sharp contrast with everything except her eyes, which were just as dull and lifeless. He couldn't contain a shiver.

"Hi-hi-hisoka…-kun," she choked out around the blood gathering in her mouth. He kneeled beside her and leaned over her form to look her straight in the eyes. She weakly grabbed one of his arms.

"I for-forgive you. All I ever wa-wanted – **_cough_** – was… to help you. It killed me when you pu-pushed muh – **_wheeze_** – muh-me away. God, we were only 16." She let off two coughs that sprayed blood all over Hisoka's face, but he didn't even flinch. "I… I j-just wanted… to tell y-y-you th-that I – **_cough_** – still luh-lo…"

But she was never able to complete her sentence before being overcome by a strong fit of coughs that just couldn't seem to clear enough blood. Seconds later, she gargled (blood pooling in her mouth and escaping her nose), spasmed, and then fell limp. She hadn't been able to finish, but she didn't need to…

"Tsubaki-hime…"

Tsuzuki was a witness to the whole confession even though all he desperately wanted to do was escape. However, he couldn't leave his partner. Instead, he just attempted – and failed – to ignore everything, and turned his gaze elsewhere. After a minute, he brought his gaze back over to his partner, who was standing ramrod straight over the body. Suddenly, he abruptly turned around and marched over to the shocked Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki feared the worst when he saw the same cold, hard face that had never changed over past month. If not even a tragedy like this could bring him to grief…

And then, he noticed it. The streaks running down his cheeks… the tracks left behind not by rain but by something a little more human.

And he got the second biggest shock when his partner… Hisoka… plowed into his chest and just stayed there. Tentatively, Tsuzuki placed his hands upon Hisoka's shoulders, and was relieved when he didn't push away. Instead, he leaned into the touch and began to shake slightly.

They stayed like that even long after the rain stopped pouring and blood stopped flowing.

-----

SONG: "Edge of Seventeen" – Stevie Nicks

_Tsuzuki contemplates Hisoka, while Hisoka contemplates Tsubaki-hime _

_Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song...  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Whoo... whoo... whoo...  
Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song...  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo_

And the days go by...  
Like a strand in the wind...  
In the web that is my own...  
I begin again  
Said to my friend, baby...  
Nothin' else mattered

He was no more... than a baby then  
Well he... seemed broken hearted...  
Something within him  
But the moment... that I first laid...  
Eyes... on... him... all alone...  
On the edge of... seventeen

Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song...  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo...  
Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song...  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Said ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

Well I went today... maybe I will go again...  
Tomorrow  
Yea yea well the music there well it was hauntingly...  
Familiar  
Well I see you doing...  
What I try to do for me  
With the words from a poet...  
And a voice from a choir  
And a melody... nothing else mattered

Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song...  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo  
Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song...  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

The clouds... never expect it...  
When it rains  
But the sea changes color...  
But the sea...  
Does not change  
And so... with the slow... graceful flow...  
Of age  
I went forth... with an age old...  
Desire... to please  
On the edge of... seventeen

Oooooooooaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh..

Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song...  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo  
Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song...  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

Well then suddenly...  
There was no one... left standing  
In the hall... yeah yeah...  
In a flood of tears  
That no one really ever heard fall at all  
Well I went searchin' for an answer...  
Up the stairs... and down the hall  
Not to find an answer...  
Just to hear the call  
Of a nightbird... singing...  
Come away...

Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Ooo... baby ooo... said ooo  
Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song...  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Ooo... baby ooo... said ooo

Well I hear you in the morning...  
And I hear you...  
At nightfall...  
Sometimes to be near you...  
Is to be unable... to hear you...  
My love...  
I'm a few years older than you...  
My love

Just like the white winged dove...  
Sings a song...  
Sounds like she's singing...  
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo 

Download link: http(colon)//www(dot)sendspace(dot)com/file/5ve9rx

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A/N: Track 04 finished!

I have made changes to the third chapter! I have chosen a different song that I feel was more appropriate. To see why, look at the A/N after the third track!

Ugh, this past week has been draining. School is sucking out my life force and spitting it back out in a gloopy mess. Barf. I want my Spring Break now.

Anywho, thank you for all of the wonderful reviews! They keep me inspired to write (and sometimes ignore my homework in my desire to get the next track out… like what I'm doing right now… I'm such a naughty girl).

As can be seen, this chapter is obviously longer than the rest (and is pretty much the longest it can go if I want to fit everything into a little booklet). So much happens in the chapter and I'm just unable to shorten it without taken something vital out. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it!

I'm so inconsistent. I've decided to use Japanese titles again, as can obviously be seen in this chapter. I need to figure out what to use for my other tracks, specifically the second one.

Please R&R! Thank you!


	5. Track 05 Digging Deeper

**Falling Off the Edge of the World**

A Fanfiction Soundtrack

**DISCLAIMER #1:** I don't own the characters. Rather, they evidently own me and a lot of my free time. I do, however, own this alternate universe.

**DISCLAIMER #2:** The RIAA says that you must delete all of these songs off your computer within twenty-four (24) hours of previewing them. Do what you may with your music, but I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. I don't mean to sound like a hypocrite when I say all of this stuff, I'm just giving fair warning and hopefully covering my behind.

---------------------------------

Track 05 – Digging Deeper

---------------------------------

Ever since that mission, their partnership had been deeply altered by a steadily growing flame… he wasn't sure if it was for better or worse, but Tsuzuki felt strangely comforted by the presence.

To an outsider it would look like an unhealthy, abusive relationship, but to Tsuzuki it was his most tangible and interactive and, therefore, favorite.

Hisoka would only willingly express himself in negative ways: frowning, scowling, insulting Tsuzuki left and right. And many times he would only do those things without the close-by presence of anyone else… as if he only trusted Tsuzuki to glimpse behind the ice walls. Under times of extreme stress – shame, embarrassment, or anger – he would resort to more violent tendencies: punching Tsuzuki in the gut, stomping on his foot, and even once using a letter opener to sharply press on the sensitive skin beneath Tsuzuki's fingernails (he had started teasing Hisoka on his lack of stamina and piss-poor shooting accuracy after slightly less-than-average results in those areas on an agent evaluation… well, it at least confirmed Tsuzuki's suspicions that Hisoka did know the art of torture even though he never relied upon such techniques during his interrogations… because, damnit, it hurt like a bitch!)

Afterwards, Hisoka ended up apologizing in his own way. Tsuzuki came in the next day to find the report he had been struggling on typed up, finished, and saved on his laptop – how his partner figured out the password, Tsuzuki still didn't know. Maybe he was too easy to figure out?

Anyways, the important part was that Hisoka was slowly dropping his frigid, impassive attitude around Tsuzuki, though he would occasionally relapse. On those days, Tsuzuki did his best to stay patient and cooperative and put his best observational skills to use.

Hisoka became his most important mission. Observing Hisoka became an art form, an area of study Tsuzuki practiced with a fervent passion. This talent of people-watching took years upon years to develop, and while it did not hold a candle to Hisoka's almost godlike ability to climb and plunder through a person's mind and soul, he still prided himself on his ability to empathize with people. However, unlike Hisoka, he never used the ability for his own personal gain… rather, he did it to better understand his fellow coworkers. Such as he was now doing with Hisoka.

He relied upon the body's impulsive responses to stimuli to give away what Hisoka attempted to hide. Even the slightest twitch could inform him as to what his partner was feeling. Whenever he was irked, his nostrils would flare; whenever Tsuzuki complemented him on something, the tiniest blush would blemish his pale cheeks in combined pride and embarassment; his hands would twitch, expressing his agitation, whenever a new mission came around that dealt with a rape victim or human trafficking; and while his back and shoulders never drooped from their rigid, stiff position, he would let his tight-lipped mouth relax enough to grace Tsuzuki with his white teeth whenever alone in the man's presence. It was the small things like this that taught Tsuzuki more about his partner than words could ever reveal.

And Tsuzuki came to terms about two aspects of Hisoka's personality: his aggression and his aversion for touch. He used both as tools to further distance himself from other people.

His aggression was most obvious, his violent tendencies with Tsuzuki being a big clue-in. Even when a walking ice block all his actions were aggressive. He liked to produce an image of a strong, self-assured, don't-need-anyone's-help person. Tsuzuki surmised that he had issues with control and power, two values his partner held in high regard. This attitude probably stemmed from whatever incident Hisoka's… ex had been referring to.

His aversion against any physical contact wasn't quite as obvious. It wasn't like his partner tried climbing up walls when walking down crowded hallways. In fact, it normally looked like nothing affected him. However, Tsuzuki learned to tell the difference. In such situations, where physical touch was unavoidable, Tsuzuki noticed the slightest of movements on his face indicating that Hisoka was biting the inside of his cheek. Several times, when he wasn't careful, Tsuzuki saw a glimpse of his mouth with teeth stained bright red… Hisoka never failed to get a drink of water after such occasions. There was also the fact that whenever they ended up eating together, Hisoka would always end up positioning them as far away from the crowd as possible.

However, the biggest clue-in was the fact that Hisoka never once resorted to physical torture during his interrogations. Of course, there was the fact he didn't really need to, since his other methods were extremely effective at making the 'source' speak. But the reason he didn't do it wasn't because he had any qualms about resorting to such methods or that they sickened him – his occasional violence towards Tsuzuki provided the proof. No, Tsuzuki believed that it was due to the fact that Hisoka avoided contact as if it were a plague. He feared touch as if it were too intimate, as if it defiled him.

Tsuzuki had several theories, adding up all of the information, why his partner was the way he was. And he hoped beyond hope that none of them were true. The hope was bittersweet and misplaced, most likely, because the situation was far too coincidental for his suspicions not to be right. The thought thoroughly depressed him.

And yet, Hisoka would willingly touch him. More often than not they were violent, but he was slowly beginning to change in that aspect as well. He would often stop himself before flying off the handle or would pull his punches so that they weren't as hard or painful. He was trying to hold back as if for Tsuzuki's sake or for the sake of their partnership… as if it was starting to matter to him, as if it held some importance.

So Tsuzuki treasured each touch, whether it was of the friendly kind – like when Hisoka bumped his shoulder against Tsuzuki's arm when they were standing side-by-side, or when their fingers brushed when walking down a crowded hallway or passing an inane object to one another – or the not-so-friendly kind. Other people wouldn't be able to understand, but Tsuzuki liked their partnership no matter how abusive or unhealthy it was.

He looked forward to going to work for the first time in his life. Just being in Hisoka's presence made life bearable. He did anything to prolong the eventual solitude of returning home, and they were now more often than not spending time together outside of work.

He depended upon their relationship. It was his drug addiction that helped him through the hell of the rest of his life.

-----

While his partnership with Hisoka was improving, the rest of his life was deteriorating. Hisoka's presence was more than just a quick-pick-me-up… it was an escape. And leaving Hisoka meant more than just leaving that presence… it meant returning to a twisted decline.

His apartment was in disarray. It hadn't been cleaned in… he couldn't even remember. He hadn't been in the mood to clean it for a long time. The stagnant air always seemed to drain him of dry whenever he walked through the door. He only returned every night out of habit… because there was nothing else to do, because he was already used to it, because it just didn't matter.

He didn't even have any food. The only time he ever ate was whenever he was with Hisoka. If he was lucky, he was able to eat dinner with his partner after work. If not, he just had to settle with whatever he had during work that day. Any other effort just wasn't worth it.

Only around Hisoka did his life feel worthwhile. For the longest time, he had just shuffled through life without actually being in the moment. It was a motion picture he could observe and contemplate but never feel or experience. But the second Hisoka came into the picture suddenly everything felt real again… felt alive.

Specifically the pain… most importantly the pain.

He couldn't tell if Hisoka's arrival was more of a blessing or curse. Because suddenly he could feel all he thought had been long since been suffocated.

The good times… they were fleeting moments at best, but somehow they could magically brighten his day… an acceptance of his critiques, careful consideration of his advice, inherent trust and implementation for his suggestions – only for him would Hisoka occasionally become the humbling student – catty responses whenever he acted up just to get attention, arguments and strategically placed banter just to eliminate the stifling silence, or the newest development, an invitation to dinner.

How had he survived so long without this? After first losing this?

And yet, going back to his apartment, his cage, was becoming harder and harder every day. It was a constant representation of those chaotic factors that always toyed with his life… it reflected the growing instability of his mental state. The second he arrived he always made a beeline for his room and collapsed upon the bed, attempting to bury his face and hide until the next day. If he was lucky, he could escape into a catatonic state, unaware of everything outside and inside. If he was unlucky then he was either awake, contemplating the miserable state of his four-walled prison, or asleep, keeping company with the monsters locked in his heart and feeding them a fresh supply of that same old fear.

How long would he be able to survive this?

-----

Ah, the bed, he made it to the bed again… crawling on top and pressing his face into the pillow that smelled with months-old sweat… he breathed it in, burrowed deeper, and…

_It's dark. I can't see a thing. _

_I hold out my arms in front of me. I fail to see them either even though they're right in front of my face. Or at least I think they are. I attempt to touch my nose to confirm, but I fail to feel it. _

_Wha…? _

_'That won't work.' _

_Who…? I attempt to look around, but fail to see anything. _

_'Like I said, that won't work. Don't touch, project. Don't see, sense.' _

_So I do just that. In something that almost feels like routine, like returning back, I project myself and sense for something… a presence. _

_Ah, there. _

_'Come to me, Tsuzuki-san. Come.' _

_And so I follow. I follow and travel the extent of a millennia in a second… writhing with nothing and everything… built with fog and haze… through mind and dream… a blanket of darkness my only companion, a presence of death my only goal… all that's real is the fire that burns within me, growing hotter and hotter as I get closer and closer… _

_…and suddenly, it's all red… _

_A red ball glows in the sky – I could swear the moon is on fire. Its hellish rays illuminate a horrendously gorgeous scene beneath. _

_A sakura tree in full bloom, its flowers a deep shade of blood red. A man sitting beneath the tree, enveloped in pure white that seems untouched by the scorching red rays of the moon and red sakura petals falling out of the trees like blood dripping out of a wound. _

_Such perfection shouldn't exist. _

_'Now, now, Tsuzuki-san, there's no such thing as perfection… at least, not yet.' _

_How…? _

_'What a silly question, Tsuzuki-san. I am you.' _

_With the comfort of something finally making perfect sense, I accept the answer. And suddenly, I find myself lying on the ground with my head in his – his? He looks too beautiful to be a man – the Angel's lap… My head in the Angel's lap. _

_He chuckles. 'Certainly, Tsuzuki-san, we are not angels. But you already know this.' _

_I nod, or I think I nod. I can't feel a thing. I can't feel anything but his hands running through my hair. I bring my hand up to touch his, but I fail to see my hand… I can see him but not myself… I can feel him but not myself. _

_'Oh, don't worry that, Tsuzuki-san. You are not yourself here. I am you. I know all about you, I feel everything you can't feel… your sorrows, your fears, your anger, your desolation, your pain, your self-loathing. It's all mine. You are mine. We are the same.' _

_I accept it. It's so much easier to accept than fight… to give up than fight… _

_'To escape than fight.' _

_I close my senses to everything and break away. _

_'Soon we'll be one.' _

_'It's a promise.' _

_The final promise. _

He felt the first rays of the sun dancing on his eyelids and turned his head into the pillow before opening his eyes. He attempted to roll over but fell off the edge and onto the floor. As he laid there in a half-daze a certain sense of foreboding came over him.

Dreams, dreams… what had he been dreaming? He couldn't remember. But he knew whatever it was it wasn't good. A few chills went down his spine. He tried for a few more minutes to remember, but failed to grasp anything.

"Idiot," came an exasperated voice from the depths of his mind.

Tsuzuki smirked at that. Even when he wasn't there, his partner found ways to insult him. It figured that he'd go and create a conscience within himself that sounded exactly like Hisoka. Speaking of which…

He looked over at the clock, which surprisingly was where he expected it to be… on the floor, next to his head, underneath the bed.

He had thirty minutes. Enough time for a quick wash-down in the shower – Hisoka had remarked yesterday with a biting, unforgiving tongue on how terrible he smelled… he felt it best not too repeat such a mistake so soon. Maybe next week.

With that thought in mind and all previous thoughts forgotten, he escaped into the bathroom.

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SONG: "Roxane's Veil" – Vanessa Mae

_instrumental piece _

Download link: http(colon)//www(dot)sendspace(dot)com/file/zqo167

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Holy crap, I actually finished the chapter.

Betcha you didn't expect this. Well, guess what, neither did I.

Oh well, let's not look a gift horse in the mouth, shall we?

Anywho, several notes:

1) I redid the previous chapter. I wasn't extremely happy with it, and I can't live with work that I'm not proud of. So I added more stuff to it and took out others. Nothing extreme changed in the chapter, just minor details, but details that really mattered to me. It is longer and better (IMHO).

2) Now, going off from that… I have decided not to make a booklet to go with the soundtrack. The length that each chapter needed to be in order to fit restrained me too much. I think that was the main reason I didn't produce the quality work that I wanted for the last chapter… I had to confine myself to a certain length and it just wasn't working out. I shouldn't have to feel so confined by my own fanfics, so I decided not to be. Some chapters work out better being short, and others work out better being long. I'll still keep the fanfiction dependent upon music and put it together with the soundtrack… I just won't make a booklet to go with it.

3) I'd like to apologize for how late this is. I sincerely did not mean to take this long. However, college, lifeguarding, and responsibilities have been piling up more and more the closer we get to the end of the semester (which is only three weeks away). That on top of the fact that I was struggling on how to state what I wanted to say with the emotions I wanted to convey. This chapter gave me lots and lots of problems… specifically the middle where Tsuzuki describes coming back to his apartment every night. For some reason, that was just a humongous hurdle to crawl over.

4) I'd like to point out the irony in my choice of song for this chapter… a realization that just came to me. First of all, on there's a YnM music video called "Temptation Tango" by Anna Linsley that uses the song "El Tango de Roxanne" from Moulin Rouge. The story behind the video is kinda OOC for the characters, with Hisoka playing the temptress between Tsuzuki and Muraki and the two men being overcome with jealousy because they both want Hisoka for themselves (Tsuzuki because he loves him and Muraki just because he desires him)… the main premise behind the video is the show how jealousy destroys everything. But that's getting off topic. Anyways, the song I chose was "Roxane's Veil" and there was a YnM video that used the song "El Tango de Roxanne". Furthermore, Tsuzuki and Hisoka in this story are always hiding behind veils and trying to escape their hardships… and they are the only ones who can recognize it in each other. Anyways, just an interesting tidbit I wanted to point out.

5) I've noticed that the links to the songs in the previous chapters don't work any more. So I'll be attempting to reupload the music and make the corrections. Y'know, it might just be easier when the whole thing is said and done to make a separate chapter for all of the music. I think I'll keep that in mind.

So, just to let you all know, I'm not dead yet! And I don't plan on dropping the story! But how soon I'm able to update is dependent upon the circumstances. School and work come first… and as much as mental blocks suck, I am still susceptible to them as much as the next bloke.

Anywho, thank you all for your patience! I hope you enjoyed this chapter (y'know… everything beyond the whole dream part… I had to detach myself from the story a bit in order to write that specific part… I feel somewhat defiled).


End file.
